Donald Trump is using Cory Booker to scare white, suburban women. Well, I’m a white, suburban woman, and I would like to tell you the truth about Cory Booker.
Cory Booker makes kittens purr just by looking at them. My husband has a crush on Cory Booker. Cory Booker’s smile creates rainbows. When Cory Booker laughs, angels sigh. Cory Booker is why we have springtime. Flowers turn their petals toward Cory Booker because they think he’s the sun. Cory Booker’s the guy chewing gum in school, and the teacher says “Cory did you bring enough for the whole class,” and Cory responds by giving everyone a stick of gum. And not just any gum, he’d have an assortment: Juice Fruit, Bubblelicious, and Trident.
Cory Booker’s bare feet smell like vanilla and cinnamon. Cory Booker’s hair is as soft as the down on a duckling. When Cory Booker shakes your hand, you feel a spark of energy enter your body. When Cory Booker looks at you, your soul giggles. Cory Booker’s eyes are made of actual Belgian chocolate.
Cory Booker’s heart is twice the size of the average human’s. Cory Booker’s voice can be bottled and used to sweeten tea. Wherever Cory Booker steps, he leaves a a trail of liquid gold. Cory Booker looks better in jeans than anyone else in the world. If Cory Booker had a men’s cologne, it would be called “Perfection.”
Cory Booker can come to my suburb any time. He can hang out on our deck, we will eat a vegan dinner, and his very presence will make the food taste better, the air smell sweeter.
Because that’s the truth about Cory Booker.